


Testament of Youth

by tonkshamsandwich



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016), Testament of Youth (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - World War I, Angst, Angst to come, F/M, WIP, Yes again, based off of a true story
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-29
Updated: 2017-09-14
Packaged: 2018-12-08 15:00:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 3,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11649000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tonkshamsandwich/pseuds/tonkshamsandwich
Summary: Their lives were just beginning to start, when the Great War began.Read to follow the life of Amanda Brotzman and those she loves, as one of history's defining moments shapes her life.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is my first time posting something that isn't finished as I upload it! I'm hoping that the pressure will keep me writing this. 
> 
> That being said, this is based on a true story, the memoirs of a woman named Vera Brittain, and her life and how the war affected it. This story really moved me, and I hope to pay tribute to that with this fic.
> 
> Hope everyone enjoys!

**_London, 11 th November 1918_ **

She can’t breathe. Can’t think. Sound cuts in and out. Sounds of celebration are interrupted by silence.

She pushes her way through the crowd. People are waving flags and bottles of beer, yelling into the cool night air, shouting their joy to the world, joining together in celebration.

Yet she doesn’t fit in, cannot find it in her to join them. Instead, she is panicking, trying to make her way through the claustrophobic, jubilant crowd.

A motorcar passes by, filled with revellers. A soldier with his arm in a sling jumps out and grabs her by the hand, spinning her around, his face ruddy with joy and more than a little too much alcohol.

Dizzy, she pulls away, more desperate than ever to escape.

She pushes and shoves and elbows her way through, until eventually in front of her she can see the steps of a church.

She hurries in. Inside, it is dark, and looks empty.  

She takes a few minutes to calm her breathing and to blink away unshed tears. She has cried enough for them.

When she has calmed down, she looks up and sees an oil painting hanging on the wall. It shows great waves, people tossed around in the sea, drowning, being crushed by the weight of the water –

She can relate.

She imagines herself there, in the painting, drowning, struggling against her skirts, gasping for air –

She shakes herself out of it, and looks around the church. Around her, shapes begin to form. She is not alone in here, as she had thought. There are others here, all women. Some are kneeling, heads bowed, others are simply staring into space, others have their eyes closed and hands clasped in prayer, muttering under their breaths.

The air seems to come alive with their whispers, and she cannot stand the noise. Instead, she looks at the painting, imagining herself underwater again.

She imagines herself surrounded by water, not by the storm-tossed sea water of the painting, however, but by the clear water of the lake where she grew up.

The lake where they all met.

The lake where it all began.


	2. Chapter 1: The Lake

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Amanda goes swimming, and the boys get wet.

**_Lake, Buxton, Spring 1914._ **

Amanda surfaced from underwater, feeling the warming air hit her chilled face. It was so refreshing, swimming in the lake. She’d forgotten how much she loved it.

She started swimming towards the shore, where her older brother Todd and his friend Dirk were getting changed so they, too, could swim. Todd caught Amanda’s eye, and grinned at her, before she ducked out of sight behind some reeds.

“We used to go swimming here all the time when we were children, me and Amanda.” Todd told Dirk. “I do hope she hasn’t gone in yet, I completely forgot to tell her about the rats-“

“Rats?” asked Dirk, sounding disgusted. “I hate rats. All gross with their long tails and ears and –“ he shuddered.

“Yes, a big nest of them apparently! We should be alright if we stay in the shallows, but we should avoid going over there.” He pointed at where he knew Amanda was, who swam out of the reeds at that very minute.

“Oh no! Amanda!” Todd said, struggling to hold back a grin. Dirk appeared not to notice, however, as he stood there in his undershirt and shorts, wheeling his arms about and yelling in alarm. Amanda pretended not to hear him as he shouted at her from the shore. He was too energetic in his actions, though, and ended up face planting spectacularly in the water.

Amanda and Todd both burst out laughing at this, no longer able to keep up the ruse. When Dirk realised, he sat there in the lake, pouting, until Todd reached down to pull him up. Dirk instead got revenge on him by pulling him down to join him in the water.

Minutes later, they all emerged from the lake, laughing and soaking wet and freezing, and went to go get dressed again. Dirk complained about being freezing cold the whole time, and pointedly stole Todd’s jacket. Amanda got dressed a little way away from them, so as to have some privacy. When she returned, Dirk was futilely trying to wring some of the water out from his undershirt.

“We should be heading back, Mother and Father will be expecting us soon,” Todd said eventually.

“They’re always expecting us!” Amanda said, half joking, half complaining.

“I quite like your parents, actually,” interrupted Dirk, still determined to have a dry undershirt before he went home.

“That’s because you don’t actually have to live with them,” Amanda pointed out, before bending down to tie her shoe laces.

“Besides, Martin’ll be here soon.” Todd said with a grin.

“Ah yes, how could I forget? He’s the ‘unbearably perfect one’,” she said, scoffing slightly.

“Well, he is good at rather a lot of things.” Dirk said, frowning as he gave up on his shirt before shoving it into his pocket, still wet.

“Including being modest?” she asked, sarcastically.

Dirk, not picking up on the sarcasm, replied with a cheery “Of course!”

“Oh great, brilliant _and_ modest. I hate him already!” she huffed good-naturedly, as Dirk turned and began walking up the trail.

“Just give him a chance, yeah? I mean it,” Todd said to her quietly, before shouting a quick “wait up!” at Dirk’s back.

Amanda paused by the lake’s edge for another minute, just looking at the tranquil water, the willows gently stroking the surface of the water. As she turned to leave, she spotted something on the floor. It was a bird’s egg, small and almost perfect, with only one small crack running down its length, lying nestled among the dead leaves from last year. She picked it up and carefully put it in her coat pocket, before sweeping the lake with one last glance, turning, and walking after the boys.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!! :D also I hope to be updating this more regularly from now on, so you'll have plenty of angst to come!


	3. Chapter 2 - The Piano

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Amanda disagrees with the purchase of a piano.

**_The Brotzman Family Mansion, Spring 1914_ **

The road home was a long one, and it wound its way through the countryside for around a mile before ending up at the start of their driveway. It gave them all a chance to (mostly) dry off, and by the time that they arrived home, Amanda’s hair was only damp at the ends, and not soaking wet as it had been before.

As the trio walked up towards the gate, she remembered her damp hair, and quickly tucked it up out of sight so that she wouldn’t get in trouble. That thought was forgotten, though, at the sight of the delivery van that was parked outside of the house, with ‘Somerson’s Pianos’ written on the side of it. She stopped, dismayed, before looking at Todd, who had a sheepish expression on his face.

Amanda felt a wave of rage wash over her, and she threw open the gate before storming up the driveway, throwing a furious shout over her shoulder at her brother.

“You knew about this!”

“I knew Father wanted you to have one –“

“You conspired with them!”

She stalked through the open door, through the hallways and corridors, following the low murmur of voices, the thumps of something heavy being moved, the clamour of piano keys. She entered the living room, only to see delivery men busy manoeuvring a grand piano in the corner of the room, being supervised by her parents and a family friend by the name of Mrs. Dorian, with her teenage daughter beside her.

“Amanda! Come and see your surprise!” Mr. Brotzman exclaimed upon seeing Amanda. Her mother came over and took her by the hand, ignoring the scowl on her face as she did so with long years of practice.

“I’ve been dying to tell you, but your father _insisted_ that it be a surprise for you! Mrs. Dorian’s been in on the secret from the start, she wants to hear your play!” she said, as she pulled Amanda beside the piano.

Mr. Brotzman opened the piano lid with a dramatic flourish, trying to get Amanda to smile, but Amanda kept her scowl firmly on her face.

“She’s an absolute beauty, or so I'm told. Come on, darling, why don’t you show us what you can do?”

As the delivery men took their cue and walked out the door, Mrs. Brotzman took a seat next to a very prim and proper Mrs. Dorian and her daughter on the sofa. An expectant silence fell on the room. Todd gave Amanda a pained look, and she knew he understood how she felt. She sat down at the piano and stared at the keys for a beat. Her hands raised –

\- and came crashing down on the keys in a discordant cacophony of noises!

There wasn’t a sound to be heard after that. Her mother looked scandalised, Mrs. Dorian looked absolutely shocked. Amanda leapt up and headed for the door, her father hot on her trail. He called after her before she could get very far.

“Amanda! Come back and apologise right this instant!”

Amanda’s expression was defiant. Mrs. Brotzman hovered awkwardly in the doorway behind her husband.

“If you can’t show _me_ the respect I deserve, then at _least_ show some for our guests!”

Amanda walked up to her father until they were practically face to face, her fury and hurt almost bursting out of her chest.

“I don’t _want_ a piano! You _knew_ I didn’t want one and you still bought it! I won’t be bullied by you!”

He turned to his wife, an incredulous expression on his face. “I just bought her the most expensive gift of her life, you’d think she would be grateful. But no, I'm bullying her!”

“Your father hoped you’d be happy, dear-“ her mother said to her quietly, trying to sooth ruffled feathers.

“Happy?!? That piano could have paid for a whole year at Oxford!”

“Oh, here we go -” sighed her father.

“-all this time you said you couldn’t afford for me to go!” Amanda burst out, interrupting her father.

“I can’t afford to _waste_ money, no!” he snapped at her.

Amanda stood there, speechless for a second, anger and hurt overwhelming her, before she turned and stomped up the stairs to her room.

Mr. Brotzman looked beseechingly at his wife, who merely shook her head disappointedly at him.

“Amanda – I didn’t mean – Amanda! Come down here!”

A slammed door was the only answer he received.

“Oh dear,” fretted Mrs. Brotzman to Mrs. Dorian. “I do apologise, I don’t know what has come over her!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed! Please leave kudos and a comment if you really liked it :D 
> 
> Next time: Martin appears! :P


	4. Chapter 3. Martin's Arrival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amanda getss mad and Martin arrives

**_Amanda’s Bedroom, Brotzman Family Mansion, Spring 1914_ **

Amanda stormed up to her room, slamming the door behind her and ignoring her father shouting up the stairwell. Slamming the door did little for her anger though, so she glared around the room to see if there was anything else.

Her eyes landed on her desk, where there was a pile of papers and books. Her father’s word ran through her head again – _“I can’t afford to waste money, no!”_ and she was filled with rage and frustration again. She grabbed the whole bundle, stalked over to the window, opened it, and threw the bundle out.

Todd had just started up the stairs after his sister when he was distracted by the sounds of heavy objects falling outside. They all turned to see a snowstorm of papers fluttering down past the windows.

“Oh for heaven’s sake...” muttered Mr. Brotzman in exasperation.

Then they heard Amanda’s door opening, and she clattered down the stairs.

“There, I’ve thrown all my work out! You can take it to your paper factory and – and turn it to pulp for all I care!” she yelled at her father from halfway up the stairs.

“Now stop it!” he replied irritably. “I'm simply concerned that you will turn into a bluestocking! _They_ can’t find husbands, you know!”

Amanda held in a scream of frustrated rage. “How many times do I have to tell you! I don’t _want_ a husband!” she yelled back. “I’m sorry you don’t have a daughter whose sole purpose in life it is to – to- _hitch_ herself to the first man who comes along! But I’m never getting married! Not now, not _ever_!”

She stood there on the stairs, trying to catch her breath after that rant. Her father was just gathering breath to reply when he was interrupted by the sound of an arrival. They all turned around to see Martin standing in the doorway. He was tall and skinny, and despite only being 19 years old he had white hair, and carried himself with a self assurance that made him seem older than he was.

He set his suitcase down on the ground and looked up at Amanda over the rims of his glasses. He had a small smile on his face as he did so.

“Well, that’s clear then.” he said.

Amanda stared at him for a second, nonplussed, before turning on her heel and storming up to her room again.

There was an awkward moment’s silence, before Todd broke it by greeting Martin warmly, Dirk following suit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: bluestocking is a feminist, basically, a suffragette. They wanted more independence and stuff. 
> 
> Sorry that that was so short, and so long since the last update! I hope to have more updates out to you shortly. 
> 
> As always, thanks for reading! Please kudos and comment if you enjoyed! :D


	5. Chapter 4 - Todd and the Piano

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Todd plays the piano, and the siblings are joined by their guests.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Triple update today y'all! (Because two of the chapters are really short!)

**_The Brotzman Living Room, Spring 1914_ **

Amanda hovered in the living room door, watching Todd run his fingers softly, reverently over the keys of the piano, a gentle melody playing. A maid was running around the room, lighting the lamps. Amanda moved out of her way as she was leaving, and distracted Todd.

“I can’t even remember how long I’ve wanted one of these,” he said softly, smiling up at her from across the room.

“Oh Todd, I was so caught up in myself – I didn’t even think about what this means for you – what it must be like for you.”

Todd grinned and gestured at the piano. “Well, she certainly didn’t deserve the disrespect you showed her.”

“Well, you have your piano now. That’s something to be glad about, at least,” she said, making her way over to the sofa. “We’ll escape marriage and the paper factory yet!”

She and Todd grinned at each other, before Todd continued playing, fingers nimble and sure, creating a beautiful, soothing tune. Amanda was lost in the music for a moment, gazing at Todd with love and awe in her eyes at his talent.

A sound at the door made them both look up. Dirk and Martin came in and stood around the room. Todd continued to play, and they all listened. Dirk only had eyes for Todd. Martin was watching Amanda. Something in his intense gaze made her feel self-conscious for some reason, so she got up and sat down on a sofa on the other side of the room. It was closer to the fire, so if anyone asked she could pretend to be cold.

After a few minutes, Dirk joined Todd at the piano, and they started playing a lively duet together. They played like that for a few more tunes, shoulder to shoulder, before Martin joined them, and they played a complicated routine that was nevertheless well practiced. The three of them were smiling and laughing as they went through the old familiar motions. Amanda smiled to herself, seeing them being happy together, and relaxed into the cushions.


	6. Chapter 5 - Amanda and Martin P1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amanda goes to find her book and is joined by Martin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Triple update folks!

**_The Garden, Brotzman Family Mansion, Spring 1914._ **

The sun had long gone under the horizon and the colour had faded from the sky, but light was still clinging to the corners of the world. Amanda was outside in the yard, trying to gather up all her papers and books. She regretted throwing them out now, as it was slowly getting darker and harder to find them.

Light was streaming out from the windows though, and she could still hear the piano being played. Therefore she was startled when she heard the strike of a match. She whirled on the spot only to see Martin there, quietly watching her, a newly-lit cigarette in his mouth.

“Oh, it’s you! You frightened me,” she said, nearly accusatory.

Martin grinned around the cigarette, before gesturing vaguely at the pile in her hands. “Can I help?”

“No thanks,” said she, before turning around and trying to ignore him as she searched through the bushes on the edge of the yard.

Martin, in turn, ignored her dismissal of him, stubbed out his cigarette and started searching anyway.

“Please, I’d rather be alone,” she said at last, gathering up some books.

“It’s the books I'm worried about,” Martin replied jokingly. He picked up some battered books, before spotting a piece of paper, and after looking at it, saw that it was a handwritten poem. Making a split second decision, he decided to pocket it before continuing. “Wordsworth, Shelley, Byron – why, all these romantics aren’t good for you, you know.” He grinned crookedly at her, before handing the books to her.

Amanda snatched the pile from him, checking them for damage, before rifling through them, looking for her poem. “Don’t worry, they have very little influence,” she said, giving it up as a lost cause. It had probably fallen out and been blown away by the wind.

Martin grinned cheekily at her. “So I saw.”

Amanda shot him a look. How could someone be so self-confident, so self-assured? It annoyed her as much as it attracted her. Loathe as she was to admit it.

He continued on, more sincere now, once again peering at her over the tops of his glasses. “I _am_ sorry about the unfortunate timing of my arrival.”

“Why should I care?” she asked, defensive. She started to head back inside, but stopped sharply, turning back to him.

“Look, I can see that this is all highly amusing for you –“

“-No!-“

“-Yes! You’re already thinking of how best to tell your friends back at school this little anecdote! But – but. This - this is my life,” she finished roughly, trying to ignore the tears rising in her eyes. Embarrassed and annoyed at the whole situation, she turned and fled back inside into her room.

Martin stood there silently for a minute, moved by her emotion. Then, after thinking for a second, he decided to read the poem. He stood there silently, reading, touched at the writing.


	7. Chapter 6 - Amanda and Martin P2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Amanda and Martin talk some more

**_Amanda’s Room, Spring 1914_ **

Amanda  sat at her desk, her texts books open in front of her, studying. She was interrupted by a knock at the door. Amanda was startled upon seeing Martin once she opened the door.

“What?” she said, forgetting her manners in her surprise.

“You’re studying,” he said, smiling.

“And? What of it?” she replied, defensive once more.

“Nothing, I –“ he sighed, deflated, looked more vulnerable all of a sudden. “Look, I’ve done the Oxford entrance exams, and it’s all about technique. I could help you? Once you have the technique, you’ll fly through, I'm sure.”

“So like a secret, passed on from teacher to schoolboy?” She raised her eyebrow.

“Actually, my teachers weren’t that – I worked it out by myself.”

Amanda looked at Martin, really looked at him, and could see him reaching out to her from behind the confident mask. She smiled softly up at him.  “Then so will I.”

She closed the door in his face and leaned back against it with a grin, taken back at herself.

Martin stared at the closed door, surprised, before thinking over her words. He turned away with the beginnings of a grin on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I hope everyone saw that it was a triple update :P 
> 
> Once again, thanks for reading and hope you enjoyed! Please leave kudos or comment if you liked, or spotted a mistake :P


	8. Chapter 7 - The Gang

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aight sorry about the delay in updating but I got caught up in another (fluffier) fic which should be up soon-ish :P Hope ye enjoy!!

**_Countryside around the Mansion, Spring 1914_ **

The three boys and Amanda wandered down the country lane, the boys laughing and shoving each other, Amanda watching over them with a smile. The lane meandered through the countryside and wound its way up a gently sloping green hill. When they reached the top, they all sat down and relaxed in the light shade of a tree, staring across the country.

“Ah... the sky open above us, the world at our feet...” Martin trailed off.

Todd groaned. “Except we’re nearly back to school. Back to boring history lessons and exams and –“

“We’re still on holiday, Todd! Come on, live in the moment a little!” grinned Martin.

Dirk sat up, his expression sombre. “One more term and it’ll all be over. It’s sort of scary, isn’t it? Seeing your whole life stretched out in front of you. Wonderful too, obviously, but, scary.”

“I’m going to stick with wonderful.” Said Martin.

“Well, at least you won’t be buried alive here, with your days filled with nothing but piano playing and petty gossip.” groused Amanda.

“My, have we got a suffragette on our hands?” Martin teased.

“I would be, yes, given half a chance.” She paused and stared at Martin, raising a sardonic brow. “I suppose that shocks you?”

“You’re talking to the wrong man, Amanda,” interrupted Todd, “Roland’s a supporter.”

Amanda scoffed, assuming that Todd was joking.

“Well, my mother does admire them,” Martin admitted.

“She’s a novelist! And she writes for the papers! She supports the whole family in fact.” Todd turned to Martin. “Oh, I do hope you don’t mind me saying...?”

Amanda was shocked, and it showed.

Martin grinned. “Now that I’ve seen Amanda’s face, I don’t!”

“I had no idea...” she murmured.

“Perhaps you’ve jumped to the wrong conclusions about me.”

“I think that that is mutual,” said Amanda, half agreeing with Martin.

“No, I’ve researched _you_ quite thoroughly! In fact,” he started fishing around in his pockets, and took out a piece of paper, “I found a poem, in the garden, and took the liberty of reading it –“

“Poems!” Todd burst out, before turning to Amanda. “You’ve kept that very quiet! Let’s have a look!”

Martin handed the piece of paper to Todd, but Amanda snatched it off him before he could read any of it.

“Give it back!” she cried as she did so, red in the face, humiliated and upset. “It’s nothing – it’s just a – nothing- a stupid thing!” She pocketed the poem, avoiding everyone’s eyes.

Martin quickly realised his mistake. “I’m sorry, I thought – “ he gestured between the two siblings “-I thought he would know, you two seem so close...”

“It’s... it’s alright,” she mumbled awkwardly, ducking her head to hide her face.

The four of them sat there, in an awkward silence, until Dirk decided to lighten the mood.

“Well I don’t know about anyone else, but I could really do with a drink of something!”


End file.
